Getting Started

April 30, 2014   Getting Started

I recently read that people who are accustomed to failure are often people who think little of taking risks. 

There are exceptions, but I get the general principle.  If failure is such a part of the past, there is little fear in trying something new.  

If you consistently feel out of your comfort zone, walk around in tension, or with a sense of unease on your life’s journey - taking a risk hardly seems to carry the same weight for someone who never has these experiences. 

On the other hand, there are those people who are afraid of failure.  They hardly ever do anything risky, and – obviously – stay in their lane, play it safe, and just ride through life … 

And in my case, am left wondering ...What If…

Right now, I am those people. 

Not that I haven’t experienced failure, hardship, devastating life events - but generally speaking – I look at myself and see someone who is successfully safe.  

Up until 18, I had no particularly hard trials in life.  Normal growing up stuff.  My trials were things like moving, fights with friends and parents, acne.

Then mom died. 

And I just tried to SURVIVE.  I continued going through life – college, then marriage, and work. I did it. I made it through my hardship. 

I survived, and that was success.

Then Chris had his surgery, and again, it was survival mode.  We did our best.  We continued getting through life.  And one day (and after some therapy) we realized we did it.  We made it through that hardship. WE SURVIVED.

Again, simply surviving was success. 

Since then, I’ve largely been trying to just find Safe Normal. 

Having kids, as wonderful as it is, throws normal out the window, and you have to find New Normal.  Then you have another, and you hope to find a new New Normal.  Then you move, and have one more squishy baby, and you see an even newer New Normal emerging on the horizon and you realize “I’m happy and secure and things aren’t perfect, but they are good”. 

I’m safe, I’m settling in… and I’m happy here, because up till now,  there has been no such safe normal settling in my life.  

There has been a remarkable amount of transition.  MOST of it was good stuff – don’t get me wrong.  But change is change.

I’m in my safe lane now and I know it -- because I am staring to wonder … What If… 

But I freeze.  I’m frozen.

[Insert: me singing “Let It Go” …  Just a reminder: there was ALOT of FROZEN being watched and sung here in April 2014].

I want to write. But, I’m afraid of failure.  I’m not used to taking risks.  I’m used to taking life’s cards and doing the best with the hand I’m dealt.

Yet I finally asked myself – and if you get to this point too – ask yourself… What is failure?  What is success?   

For me - Success is actually writing to for my children.  Sharing my heart. Pointing them to God’s love.

What I need to do is just start and stop being so afraid.  

I will try to remember (and want you to remember):

- The path you’re on is the right one.  

- Put one foot in front of the other. (This is a step by step process).  

- Just show up, you're not late. 

I don’t exactly know what all this will all look like,  but I’m confident that failure is not even trying.